Thinking
by BML Hillen-Keene
Summary: John just just needs some time to think, about life, his family, and just how much they don't apprciate him. will his family even notice he's gone-hereby completed!
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I shouldn't be allowed near DVD's; I'm bloody hooked on thunderbirds now. But I don't own, so don't get mad at me._

_Anywho. Here's yet another John story-I love him, can't you tell? Right, this story will basically explain itself; you really don't need me to explain it. But I have a little question-from watching the DVD's I noticed that Gordon doesn't seen to show up very often, or go on many rescues, does anyone know why? Ah well._

_Chapter 1_

John Tracy sat in his room, on the window seat, glaring angrily at the wall opposite, inches above his model of the solar system. He had spent months getting everything perfect. He had known he was a shoe in for fist prize at the science fair. He had all but begged his father and brothers to come see him get his award, they had all promised.

Alan and Gordon had been the first to pull out. He had known they would so he didn't really mind. Then Virgil had come to tell him he had a late piano practice he couldn't afford to miss. John had told him it was ok, at least his father and Scott would be going. But his father had told him only that morning that he would be working late-he had completely forgotten, and John didn't remind him. At least, he thought, Scott would be going. Then, after school Scott had called to say his football coach was making them stay late for practice and he couldn't make it. He was really sorry, but at least everyone else was going.

John hadn't bothered to correct him. He had gone to the science fair alone, got his first place award and walked home at half nine at night, in the dark. However, what John hadn't expected was for his father to be home, and in a bad enough mood with Gordon and Alan that he had grounded him before John had the chance to show him the award.

John shifted his glare to the model. No one in the house cared about him and his achievements. They all went to Scott's football matches, Virgil's recitals, Gordon's swimming meets and Albans basketball games, but he was lucky if he got his father, Scott or Virgil to come to anything of his.

Maybe he should take up a sport.

_Or maybe you shouldn't_ he thought to himself bitterly,_ after all, if they wanted to see my achievements they would come to all the science things I enter, just like they all go to everything else anybody else does._ John reached over and grabbed a baseball from his shelves and aimed it at the model.

_It's gotta be you they don't like, it's gotta be something about you._ He threw the baseball at the model in frustration, it smashed through the model, shattering it and hit the wall with a resounding thud.

"Damnit John! I'm trying to study! Knock it off!" Scott yelled.

John winched. "Sorry." He called.

He looked out the window. He needed to get out of the house. Just for a little while. He glanced around the room before he eased his window up and slipped out it. He would head up towards the mountain, you could always see the stars better from up there. He just needed time to think, to puzzle through his family's refusal to acknowledge him. No one had even asked how it had gone.

_It's because they don't like you,_ that little part of his brain told him,_ after all, you are different from them aren't you, always reading and studying the stars. Most brothers-your brothers, would prefer it if you were like them._

John sighed deeply as he landed, catlike on the lawn, a quick glance told him his father was still awake and watching TV. john walked down the street and towards the mountain, confident he would be back before anyone noticed him missing in the morning.

_They'd probably wouldn't even notice then, just think you'd gone into school early again._

John quickened his pace, hoping to leave those thoughts behind. It was nearly midnight by the time he arrived at the viewpoint. It was cold, but he had forgotten to take a jacket. He climbed onto one of the picnic tables and lay down, staring at the stars.

_Righto, if someone reviews I will post another chapter, if you want it. Hope you liked._


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

_Thank you lots of reviewers-I didn't expect quite that many so soon, I mean I only posted It two days ago. Anyway, here's the next one. I hope you like it. I have another 2 floating around in my head that I will eventually write-I hope, anyway, enjoy this chapter, it's a long one._

_Chapter 2_

Scott finally shoved his books aside, done studying. He looked at his clock, nearly midnight. He got up, grabbing his towel off the radiator and leaving his room to go to the bathroom before going to bed. He came to John's door and paused. John's Science fair had been this evening. He knocked the door lightly, intent on asking his brother how it had gone. John usually stayed up all night after a science fair.

Scoot pushed the door open, frowning, when he got no answer. There was no one in the room. Scott glanced round, seeing but not really registering the broken pieces of John's model Solar System. He supposed John was downstairs with their father. Scott went to the bathroom and got himself ready for bed before heading downstairs.

It wasn't John with his father like he had thought. It was Virgil.

"Either of you seen John?" Scott asked.

"He was in his room last I knew." Virgil shrugged.

"Well he's not there now." Scott frowned again.

Jeff Tracy, their father, frowned at his eldest son. "What do you mean he's not there? He wouldn't have gone out, not after I grounded him for being late."

"What?" Scott and Virgil asked, surprised and in unison.

"He waltzed in here at half nine-he should have been home by eight." Jeff said, frowning at his boys. They knew his rules.

"Didn't you give him a lift home dad? Or why didn't you walk him home Virgil?" Scott asked, suddenly turning to his brother.

"I had a lesson!" Virgil cried. "I thought you were going, why didn't you walk him home?"

"What are you talking about?" Jeff asked, suddenly exasperated, his sons were making no sense.

"Dad! It was John's science thing-the one he's been obsessing over for months-didn't you go?" Scott asked.

"That was tonight? I thought it was tomorrow…" Jeff said, regretting being so harsh on his middle child.

"Why didn't you walk him home Scott?" Virgil asked again.

"I was at football practice, you know that Virge. I thought the rest of you were going." Scott said worriedly, suddenly remembering the broken model. "So no one went to the fair then?"

Virgil shook his head, looking worried. "You don't think he's run away or anything, do you? I mean… it's happened before, none of us turning up and he's never done something like this before… he's probably just on the roof or something."

Jeff looked pained. "Maybe this was one time too many Virgil. Scott, go check the roof, Virgil get your brothers, I'll start checking the house. If he's not here, then we'll panic."

Scott and Virgil nodded and quickly went about their allotted tasks.

Twenty minutes later the three met back in the living room, Gordon and Alan in tow, having been woken up with questions to John's whereabouts, they had quickly caught on to the urgency and followed Virgil downstairs.

"What's happened?" Gordon asked.

"He's not on the roof, or upstairs at all." Scoot told his father.

Jeff rubbed the bridge of his nose worriedly. "Alright, alright. So we can assume he's not in the house. Scott, Virgil, take Gordon and Alan and start looking in the garden, if he's not there look anywhere in the neighbourhood you think he might go. I'm going to have a look round with the car. You've got your phones, right?"

Scott and Virgil nodded. "Good, now get searching."

After their father had left Alan turned to Scott. "Has Johnny run away or something?"

"We don't know Alan; all we know is that he's not in the house. He might be in the tree house. Go and quickly get changed and come help us look in the garden you two." Scott said, turning to go out back, Virgil followed close behind.

"This reminds me of that time Johnny 'ran away' after we yelled at him. We couldn't find him then either." Virgil said quietly.

"Yeah. I'd give anything to find him in the hot press again right now." Scoot said, all sorts of terrible things that could befall his twelve year old brother creeping into his head. He could remember that day very clearly. He and Virgil; had gotten into a lot of trouble for that.

Xx

_Five year old John had been trailing along after his big brothers all day, asking them if he could play with them. Scott and Virgil, four and three years older respectively didn't want him hanging round. They intended to go up to the tree house, because John wasn't allowed up there yet._

"_Can I come wif you?" John asked, staring up at the tree house wide eyed._

"_No!" Virgil answered immediately._

"_Go away!" Scott ordered._

"_But Scotty, Virgie, please can I? I want to see the tree house!" John said, those annoying tears he always put on if he didn't get what he wanted threatening to overflow._

"_Well you can't, so go away!" Scott said again, pointing back to the house. "Go back and play with the babies."_

"_But I wanna-"_

"_Well we don't want you here so go away!" Virgil snapped and started climbing the tree. Scott followed._

_John stared after them, hearing them mutter._

"_Stupid Cry-baby!" Virgil muttered._

"_Always ruins our fun!" Scott took up._

"_I bet Gordon and Alan would be better little brothers than him."_

"_Yeah, Johns always so… so annoying! I wish he would just leave us alone!"_

"_Yeah, that would be cool! I bet he's going in to tell mommy on us!" Virgil complained as they reached the tree house._

"_Yeah-telltale!" Scoot muttered darkly, joining him._

_Neither noticed that John was running back into the house._

_Two hours later their mother came out. "Scott! Virgil! John! Time for dinner!"_

_Scott and Virgil quickly scrambled down from the tree house and raced inside to the kitchen._

"_What's for dinner?" Virgil asked excitedly._

"_Pasta." Their mother smiled. "Where's John?" she asked, putting the food on the plates._

_Scott shrugged. "The cry-baby went away somewhere."_

"_Scott, it's not nice to call your brother that." His mother scolded. "Where did he go?"_

_Scott shrugged again._

_Their mother frowned and went into the hall. "John?" She called, and waited for an answer. None. "John!" she called again. Still no answer. She turned to Scott and Virgil. "Keep an eye on Gordon and Alan, and eat your dinner. I'm going to have a look for John."_

_The two boys nodded absently, not paying attention._

_They did pay attention an hour later when their mother was in tears on the phone to their father, telling him she couldn't find John anywhere._

_Their father was home twenty minutes later and he started searching the street for John. Four hours later with no luck he had come home. "We'll need to inform the police Lucy." He sighed._

"_Jeff!" Their mother cried. "How could I have lost him?"_

"_Lucy, shh, you didn't. Come on. It's ok. He'll be ok Lucy. I'm going to go out again, I want you to call the police when you've calmed yourself a little, ok? We'll find him."_

_Scott had been sitting on the landing listening. He had never heard his parents so worried. He sighed and got up to go to bed, to find Virgil standing at the door to his room._

"_Do you think we made Johnny disappear?" he asked, a tremble in his voice._

_Scott shrugged. "I don't know." He hugged Virgil lightly. "Go back to bed Virge, we'll find him."_

"_Ok Scott." Virgil smiled. "I hope we do. I mean, he's annoying and all, but I'd really miss him if he was gone."_

"_I know Virge." Scott sighed and headed down towards his own room, when he thought he heard a noise from the hot press. He stopped and pulled open the door. "John?" he asked, curious, peering in. he could see nothing. There was a sudden movement and a sniffle. "John?" he asked again._

"_Scotty?" came John's tiny voice._

"_Virgil! Go get mommy and daddy, I found John!" Scott told Virgil, who had still be standing by his door, urgently._

_Virgil took off down the stairs yelling. "Mom! Scott found John! Mom!"_

_Minutes later their mother was upstairs quickly, gathering John up, thanking god he had been found. "Why Johnny? Why would you worry mommy like this?" she whispered to him._

_John looked over her shoulder to Scott and Virgil before he buried his head in his mothers shoulder and whispered. "Sorry mommy."_

Xxxx

_There you go. Thanks a lot all of you for your nice reviews. I hope this is what you expected. The next update might be a while, I have another long flashback to write._


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own_

_Ok, now it's Virgil's turn. I've finished writing the story out; you'll have to wait while I type it. But can anyone think of something Gordon and Alan may have done, good or bad, or whatever, cause I'm drawing a blank and its not good. Anyway. Enjoy._

_Chapter 3_

Scott finally gave up his search of the Garden. He had told his father what he and Virgil had said that time when John had gone missing, he had felt so guilty about it. About as guilty as he did now. He should have gone to that Science fair. His father was right; it was one too many times that they had missed John's things.

He sighed. "Virge, he's not here. Alan, come on, we'll go search the street."

Alan nodded and followed him out the front to the street.

"We'll head down towards the middle of town." Virgil called after him.

"Ok! Call me if you find anything!" Scott called back.

Virgil nodded, grabbed Gordon's arm and pulled him along with him.

"Virgil." Gordon said finally. "Is John ok? Why did he run away?"

"I don't know." Virgil sighed. "Dad and Scott think it's because nobody went to his Science fair."

"But we never go to them!" Gordon cried. "He's never done this before!"

Virgil stopped and turned to Gordon. "Gordo, think about it for a second. How would you feel if nobody turned up to watch your swim meets?" he asked.

Gordon's face fell. "I wouldn't like it. But all John had to do was tell us to go and we would have. Why didn't he do that?"

He had a good point Virgil noted with a sigh. "John's not like that, he'd never make us go anywhere, you know that Gordon. But we always expect him to be at ours don't we? Maybe we shouldn't take him for granted so much." Virgil started walking again, now that he thought about it, he had taken his little brother for granted a lot.

Xx

"_Johnny!" Virgil called, poking his head into John's room with a smile. John, sitting at his desk doing some last minute homework for school, looked up, and his face fell._

"_What is it Virgil?" he asked._

"_I need you to watch the squirts tonight."_

"_But it's Sunday Virgil! You're not supposed to go out-dad won't like it!" John warned._

"_I'll be back before he is. Oh come on John, I have to meet some friends from school. I'll be back by ten I promise."_

_John sighed. "Ok, fine." He shoved the pages he had been working on into his file block and lifted it and his English book off the table. "Where are they?" he asked._

_Virgil grinned. "Thanks Johnny boy. They're in the living room watching some film, they should be ok, just make sure they don't ruin the house." He ruffled John's hair as he passed him. "Oh, and if dad does get home before me tell him I'm studying, ok?"_

_John nodded, watching Virgil slip into his room, hearing the lock snap shut. He sighed and went downstairs to watch Gordon and Alan. Virgil slipped out his bedroom window and went to meet his friends._

Xx

_When he got home at about half ten he snuck back in his window. His dad wasn't home yet, so he was safe. He grinned and unlocked his door. He could hear Gordon and Alan running riot downstairs. He groaned, if the place was a mess he'd get the blame because he was supposed to be watching them._

_He went quickly downstairs to find the squirts jumping on the sofas. "Gordon! Alan! Stop it now! Get off the sofa!" he yelled._

_Gordon and Alan stopped bouncing, looked at each other, smiled and raced away upstairs to their room, laughing._

"_Hey John, you were supposed to be watching them." Virgil complained._

_John came out of the kitchen carrying a semidry file bock, the ink of his English essay running onto the blank pages. "I was cleaning the kitchen Virgil. They blocked the sink and let the water run."_

"_Did you clean it?" Virgil asked._

_John nodded, holding the file block carefully. "It's clean, don't worry. Dad'll never know."_

"_Great, thanks John." Virgil smiled, settling himself on the sofa and switching over the TV. "You wanna watch with me?" he asked, gesturing to the screen._

_John shook his head. "No, I've got to do this essay for tomorrow."_

"_Sure, ok." Virgil said, turning his attention to the screen._

_John carried his file block and his novel upstairs to his room, and spent the rest of the night salvaging his English essay._

Xx

_There you are. Do you like? I hope you do. I don't know where that came from, and its short. The next ones longer, I promise._


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I don't own. I wish I did though._

_Whose wondering what's going on in John's head at the moment? What kind of flashback will he have? Will it be good, or bad, or what? Well read and find out. This one is pretty long. I think anyway. Oh, a hot press, for those who don't know (I probably should have put this at the end of the last chapter-sorry) is a room with a boiler type thing in it where you put clothes and stuff that aren't being uses or to warm clothes up. They're also neat places to hide in if you don't want to be found because you can pull a bunch of clothes on top of you and nobody can find you. And a file block is like a book of paper with holes punched in the side that you can put in a file/binder type thing, they're really handy. They're like exercise books only the pages come out easier. I've never had to explain one before-so this probably doesn't make sense. Sorry. _

_Anyway, on to the story._

_Chapter 4_

John shifted a bit on the table and sighed. He hadn't really reached the peace of mind he had been looking for. If anything he had just gone from angry at his family to despondent. A feeling of resignation, it had happened so many times before, it was bound to happen again.

All in all, he didn't really mind, usually. After all, his brothers loved him, he knew they did, they just had so many other things to do-especially Scott and Virgil.

But they were always there when it counted-after all, he couldn't expect them to just drop what they were doing to come to a science fair, not after everything they had done for him

One incident stood out squarely in his mind.

Xx

"_Hey Tracy!"_

_John groaned inwardly at the voice, but he didn't move, still keeping a lookout for Scott and Virgil. They had promised to eat lunch with him._

_The owner of the voice, one Gary Simons took the seat opposite him, the three goons of his backing him and blocking John's view of the school. "My brother told me all about you Tracy's, pompous know it alls who get away with everything because your daddy's rich-isn't that right Johnny Boy?" Gary said darkly._

_John frowned over at him. Gary had been muttering about him all week. "I don't know what you mean Gary, I-"_

"_Oh you know exactly what I mean-teachers pet on the very first day? I bet your daddy bribes the teachers to like you, doesn't he? There's no way anybody could like such a goody two shoes freak like you!"_

_John's frown got deeper. "Look Gary. I'm not a teachers pet-I just-"_

"_Shut up Tracy! I don't like teacher's pets. So I've decided to teach you a lesson." Gary smiled. His goons were moving round the table towards John. John watched them apprehensively; just knowing this would come to blows._

"_Hey, Virge, who do you reckon these guys are?" Scott asked, coming to stand behind Gary, Virgil beside him._

"_I don't know Scott-but it does seem like their thinking of beating on our little brother." Virgil said, glaring at the goons._

_It didn't take long for them and Gary to clear off. Scott sat across from John, while Virgil sat on the table, his feet on the bench beside John._

"_You ok Johnny?" Scott asked worriedly._

"_Who was that?" Virgil asked._

"_I'm fine. That was Gary Simons, he's been doing that all week since we started-he says I'm a teachers pet." John sighed._

_Virgil ruffled his hair. "You can't help it if the teachers want to teach someone whose willing to learn."_

_John smiled at him._

"_Simons? Hey Virge, isn't there a Simons in your year? He's on the football team. He was always getting on your back a few years ago?" Scott asked suddenly._

"_Yeah-Marty. Man he's a total screwball-always picking fights." Virgil nodded._

"_Hmm-yeah… anyway, how's today been aside from this?" Scott asked looking at John._

_Lunch passed quickly._

Xx

"_You sure you're ok to walk home by yourself?" Scott asked._

_John rolled his eyes. "I'm eleven Scott-I can walk home my myself, I'm not a kid!"_

"_Fine, fine, just checking." Scott grinned, ruffling John's hair. "Tell dad I'll be home at six, Virgil's staying after his lesson to wait for me. You're sure you'll be ok?" he laughed when John glared at him. "Ok, go. I'm going to be late for practice if you don't move." He turned and sprinted to the football pitch._

_John watched him go with a grin before he turned to go home. He didn't get as far as the school gates before someone grabbed his shirt and pulled him back towards the school and slammed him into the wall. John looked up, dazed at the senior, very confused._

_He suddenly got a fist into his gut, his breath left him with a 'whoosh'. He didn't get a chance to double up as the pain hit him, as the seniors hand wrapped round his throat and pulled him up._

_There were no words exchanged, just blows. John didn't know who this senior was, or why he'd been targeted._

_When he left John slid to the ground, shuddering-he hurt everywhere. Not even fights with his brothers hurt this much. He huddled up painfully and buried his head in his arms._

Xx

"_John? Johnny?" Virgil was shaking him. "Johnny, what's wrong?"_

_John groaned and looked up at Virgil, rubbing his eyes, removing the evidence of tears. "No… nothing… I…"_

"_God Johnny." Virgil reached out and touched his cheek, where a dull red mark was already darkening into a bruise. "Who did it Johnny? Was it those little bastards from earlier?" Virgil asked, his whole manner angry._

_John shook his head, and, croaking a little through his sore throat said. "It was a senior, I don't know who."_

_Virgil's eyes widened. "Come on, we're going to get Scott." He pulled John gently to his feet._

_John winched as he straightened. "Sorry Virgil-I only meant to wait until the pain went away before going home-I didn't realise I was there so long." He said softly._

"_You have nothing to be sorry about John. Come on." Virgil's eyes were narrowed and he was angry. He helped john to the football pitch and sat him on the benches and waved Scott over._

_John was concentrating on not thinking about how much he hurt-it would be worse tomorrow, then he would have full blown bruises. So he was taken by complete surprise when Scott laid a gentle hand on his shoulder._

"_You ok John?" he asked._

_John looked up, seeing Scott's face tighten when he saw his cheek. "I'm ok Scott-it'll hurt tomorrow though."_

"_Who did it? I swear if it was those little-"_

"_It was a senior." Virgil muttered darkly._

_Scott turned to him. "A senior?"_

_Virgil nodded._

_Scott looked down at the pitch. "Marty Simons was late to practice today… Virgil, I think we need to have a word with Mr. Simons, don't you?"_

_Virgil nodded. "Oh yes. Nobody hurts my little brother and gets away with it." He made his way down to the pitch and across to Marty Simons, slowly._

"_Scott, you. He. Can't…"_

"_Don't worry squirt, we won't hurt him-we wouldn't sink to his level. But Virge is right; no one hurts our little brother and gets away with it. We'll be back in a minute and then we'll take you home, alright?"_

_Without waiting for an answer Scott sprinted after Virgil. _

_Ten minutes later they were back. Scott ruffled his hair lightly. "Come on kid, it's sorted, it won't happen again-ever."_

_Virgil helped him to his feet and they went home._

Xx

Scott hadn't lied. No one had even looked at John so much as cross-eyed since then. So no, imposing on his brothers just wasn't something John was going to do. They did enough for him as it was.

_Done! Yay! Go Scott and Virgil! Virgil seems a lot more confrontational than Scott isn't he? I wonder why. Ah well. I like how it turned out hope you did too. Next chapter soon. I promise._

_(I feel so weird that my story inspired another-I don't think that's ever happened before. I never even realised until I went to read it again. Thanks PTB, you're the greatest-a chapter will be dedicated to you.)_


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: not mine, I'm just borrowing for the sake of it._

_Ok, so now it's Jeff's turn, what's the daddy thinking? It's all just so confusing isn't it? This may be confusing, I don't know what its like to run a house full of kids (though I plan to have many as soon as I find the right man) or what it would be like to lose a child. So I'm sorry if this isn't quite up to scratch at the moment. I've tried my best, but I just don't seem to have all the right words for it. Ah well. Read it and tell me what you think. I'm open to revising this chapter if it really doesn't make sense._

Chapter 5 

Jeff Tracy pulled up outside a 24-hour garage, he opened the car door and got out, rubbing his eyes tiredly, he had been straining his eyes as he drove to see if anyone he had passed was John. So far he had found nothing.

He went into the garage and straight to the counter. "Hello, you haven't by any chance seen a boy, twelve years old, about 5'4", blond hair, blue eyes?" he asked hopefully.

"Ain't seen no kids in 'ere tonight-sorry." The man shrugged.

Jeff sighed. "Thank you." He went back outside and got back into the car and started it up. Wondering where on earth his son had gone.

He blamed himself of course; he should have remembered the science fair, after John had practically begged him to go. But there was more than that to blame himself for suddenly. Over the past number of years after his wife's death he hadn't been as good a father as he should have been. Especially to John if he was completely honest.

He had been shattered after Lucy's death. Scott had risen to the occasion at the age of twelve to take control of his younger brothers, after a few weeks Virgil had started to help him. John had quietly taken on a lot of chores around the house to help out. So when Jeff had finally come back to himself two months later, fumbling and confused, not knowing what to do, he had sometimes taken his frustration out on the boys, yelling. Scott and Virgil had yelled right back; John just took it and moved on.

Jeff had put a lot of responsibility on John's shoulders because he never argued like Scott and Virgil. Yes, he had forced his eight-year-old son to grow up far too quickly. And yet, that was not the thought that haunted Jeff. No what he was thinking about was more painful to a certain degree.

Xx

_Jeff opened the door to John's room to find his middle son sitting on his window seat, staring out. "John, you should be in bed." He said softly._

_John turned to him and smiled sadly. "I can't sleep."_

_Jeff went to the window seat. John moved a little to let him sit down. "John, I know losing your mother is hard, but she wouldn't want you to wear yourself out like this, by not sleeping… and Scott was saying you haven't had dinner for the past three nights." He had over heard Scott and Virgil talking earlier, one of the reasons he had come up._

_John looked back outside. "I know dad… I just… I…" he blinked, his eyes shinny with unshed tears._

"_You miss her?" Jeff whispered, feeling the familiar pain well up in him._

_John nodded._

_Jeff watched him struggle with the tears. "John, it's-"_

"_Daddy." Four-year-old Alan said from the door. "Daddy, I had a bad dream." His little face was streaked with tears. "It was about mummy." He burst into a fresh set of tears._

_Jeff hurried over and picked him up, Alan had been having nightmares almost every night since the accident. He shushed him softly. Turning to John, about to say something._

"_I'm ok dad, go settle Alan."_

_Jeff smiled his thanks to John as he took Alan out of the room and back to his own. Determined to come back and talk to John as soon as he had Alan settled._

_Unfortunately Alan's cries woke Gordon and it took Jeff and hour and a half to settle them both back to sleep. Emotionally drained he went back to John's room, to find him in bed, the lights off._

_But by the light from the window Jeff could see that he had been crying._

_Jeff closed the door with a soft sigh._

Xx

He had never had the chance to have that talk with John, never had the chance to talk about Lucy's death to him. Something had always come up, and John had always told him to go.

John was always putting somebody else's needs before his own. It was for precisely that reason Jeff had always felt John would understand if he had something else more important to get done. Now Jeff saw just how wrong he had been. Nothing should have come before his son. Nothing.

He pulled the car away from the curb and kept searching.

_Well? I hope it was ok. Thanks everybody who reviewed. I love you all. _

_who do you think is up next?_


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything-not really fair is it?_

_This one is dedicated to Princess Tyler Briefs and Angel mouse, because they gave me the idea for this chapter. Thank you so much. I was so unbelievably stuck, I hadn't a clue. So here we go. I hope you enjoy._

Chapter 6 

Gordon was dragging his feet, he was beyond tired at this point, and he hadn't had nearly enough sugar today to keep him awake this late. But he kept on, because after Virgil had mentioned it Gordon had realised that John always did come to everything they did. And as he thought about it, a rather distasteful memory came to him, because it had been really mean of him and Alan at the time. Especially with John so sick and all.

Xx

"But you have to come John!" Alan whined at John, who was lying on the sofa, with about four jumpers on, shivering with the cold. The flu had hit him hard. "Come on John, you just have to come, it's our last match this year!"

_Gordon bounced up behind him. "Yeah John, you have to come!"_

"_Guys, I'm sick, I can't come. If it was an indoor match I would, you know I would, but it's outside, I just-"_

"_But you promised!" Gordon complained._

"_You don't love us enough!" Alan said loudly._

_John's eyes widened. "Alan-of course I do."_

"_If you did you would come John." Gordon said, with an exaggerated sniff._

_John sagged back weakly. "Fine, ok, I'll come." He sighed, coughing._

"_Yes!" Alan and Gordon cried, giving each other high fives and running off._

Xx

After Gordon and Alan's basketball match, which Scott and Virgil had come to as well was over, the two younger boys ran over to their brothers, grinning. "Did you see us?" Gordon asked breathlessly.

"_I was the best wasn't I?" Alan asked._

"_You sure were squirt." Scott smiled, ruffling his hair playfully._

_John smiled, coughing again and shivering harder. "You were great." He smiled._

"_Come on." Virgil grinned. "Let's go home and tell dad."_

_They had walked home, Gordon and Alan bouncing ahead, talking excitedly in front. Scott and Virgil following, talking about something. John came last. His flu got worse after that day; he hadn't been able to leave the house for a whole week._

Xx

Gordon sighed; they didn't really have to make John go. And he had gotten really sick afterwards. Gordon felt really guilty now. He and Alan always weaselled their way out of going to John's Science things, because they were boring. Even if they promised-like this time.

Gordon only now realised that it really wasn't fair.

Xx

In the other direction Alan was thinking exactly the same thing. It really wasn't fair how they treated John. Especially after everything he did for them. Alan was of course, thinking of that time in school, before John went to high Scott with Scot and Virgil. He had gotten in so much trouble for it.

Xx

"_Hush!" Gordon snapped, pulling the ever giggling Gordon behind the statue. "We'll be killed if they found out it's us. Shush!"_

_Alan swallowed another giggle and tried to keep a straight face, but failed miserably. "But their hair was purple Gordon!" he laughed._

"_I know!" Gordon grinned._

_They had changed Scott and Virgil's shampoo for purple hair dye while they had been working in the garden earlier. Scott and Virgil were storming the house looking for them._

"_Gordon! Alan!" Scott yelled. "I'm telling Dad!"_

"_You are going to be in so much trouble!" Virgil added loudly._

_Gordon and Alan exchanged looks. "Oh no! Dad said if we did anymore pranks he wouldn't take us to the circus!" Alan groaned._

"_We've got to stop them calling-" Gordon began._

"_What happened?" John asked suddenly._

_Gordon and Alan looked up at him, crestfallen. How could they have forgotten their father's warning. "We are in so much trouble now!" Gordon said._

"_Dad won't take us to the circus." Alan said._

"_Cause we turned Scott-"_

"_And Virgil's-"_

"_Hair-"_

"_Purple." Alan finished._

_John smiled at them. "You were really looking forward to the circus weren't you?"_

_They nodded._

"_There you are!" Virgil said. Grabbing their t-Shirts and pulling them back. "You are so in trouble." He said angrily._

"_Virge, it wasn't them." John said suddenly, stepping forward._

_Virgil frowned. "What?"_

"_I put the purple dye in the shampoo guys-I just figured it would be funny." John shrugged, and smiled. "And it is."_

_Scott came up behind Virgil. "You could have got away with it John-you didn't do it, not really, did you?"_

"_He did!" Alan suddenly said. _

_Gordon nodded vigorously._

"_Ye4ah, I did. I guess I could have gotten away with it, but I just couldn't let them take the rap for it. Besides it was my prank-I want the credit." John grinned._

_They all stood still for a moment._

"_Right, your gonna get it John!" Virgil said, dropping Gordon and Alan and rushing John, tackling him to the ground, tickling him mercilessly._

_Gordon and Alan watched, glad they weren't getting into trouble, and still got to go to the circus! They turned and raced away before Scott could change his mind and blame them again._

Xx

They hadn't even thanked John for what he had done, Alan realised. His feet dragged on the road. John really was the best big brother.

_Well? I hope that was ok. It's kind of a time-lapse filler type thing. I know it's short. I'm sorry. It's not really good. But I just added it in._


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: can't think of anything witty-ah well. If you haven't realised I don't own by this point I'm not talking to you anymore.

_Ok folks. Chapter 7, and we're nearly at the end. Yay! I wish I could finish all my other stories this quick, but they're all so emotionally draining-but you know, I don't care. I'm getting a book published, and I have the entire Busted thunderbirds song in my head, and its all good. Apart from the fact that my first A-Level is in two weeks. You can't win 'em all so it seems_

_Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's pretty long._

_Btw, I've decided to be nice and post the last couple of chapters all at once-but you have to promise to review each one before moving to the next. Ok:)_

Chapter 7 

Scott's phone rang. He fumbled for a moment in his pocket for it. He answered. "Any luck Virgil?"

"_Nothing"_ came Virgil's tired voice. _"you?"_

"There were four bus's he could have taken between ten and twelve. If he took a bus he could be anywhere. Have you heard from dad?"

"Not a thing. Scott, it's nearly half four in the morning. Gordon's nearly dead on his feet. I think we should head home and wait for dad before we carry on."

Scott sighed. Alan had been dragging his feet tiredly for the last hour. "Ok, I'll meet you at the house, it'll take us about an hour getting back."

"Same here. We'll put the squirts to bed."

There was a _"Hey!"_ in the background from Gordon.

"Yeah." Scott ruffled Alan's hair, causing him to look up. "See you in an hour." He hung up. "Come on Squirt, we're going home."

"Did Virgil and Gordo find Johnny?" Alan asked through a yawn.

"No, now stay awake for just a little longer. You're too heavy for me to carry. You can sleep when we get home." Scott said, turning and heading back towards home.

"But whatabout Johnny?" Alan asked, following Scott.

"We'll find him. We have to." Scott said, more to himself than to Alan.

Xx

The four brothers met up an hour later at the house. Gordon and Alan had fallen asleep on one sofa, while Scott and Virgil talked on the other.

"Scott, I don't get it. Where could he have gone?"

"I don't know Virge, I can't think of a single place-" he phone cut him off. He answered it. "Dad? Did you find him?"

"_No. have you heard from Virgil?"_

"We're all back at the house dad, Gordon and Alan were too tired to do any more searching." Scott sighed.

"_Right, I'm coming home now. We can do a quick brainstorm, see if we can come up with anything, then you four can go to bed and I'll contact the police. I should be twenty minutes_."

"Ok dad." Scott said and hung up, turning to Virgil. "Dad's coming home."

Xx

By quarter past six the three older Tracy's where trying to work out where John could possibly be, and were making no headway. Finally Jeff shook his head. "Ok boys, up to bed, you aren't going to school today. Go on, I'll call the police."

Scott nodded. "Ok dad." He said, though he knew he wouldn't sleep, or if he did it wouldn't be well. "Gordo, Alan, wake up. Come on up to bed."

Gordon and Alan muttered sleepily before getting up. Scott and Virgil hustled them out of the room when Gordon suddenly stopped.

"Stars." He muttered.

"What?" Alan asked tiredly.

"John likes stars-I was dreaming about running through stars and john was telling me what all their names were, but they were really confusing and I can't remember them, except they were star's. it was scary." Gordon explained.

It took a few moments before their sleep-deprived minds registered the most important part of that speech.

"John likes stars." Virgil said, looking at Scott.

"Where was it he said you could see the best view of the stars? Dad took us up there." Scott muttered.

They both looked at their father.

"The mountain viewpoint-why didn't I think of that!" boys into the car, we'll head up there. He's just got to be there."

The five Tracy's piled into the car and set off for the mountain view-top. It would take them about half an hour to get up there.

Yaha! They have finally worked it out! Go Gordon! Anywho. Just to say, they really are tired, it's not really their fault it takes them so long to figure things out. Hope you liked. 


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: I don't own, as much as I might want to. Ah well._

_This ones a short chapter. Next one is super long, I promise, and it will be the last. Woohoo, nearly finished. Aren't you glad?_

Chapter 8 

John looked at his watch in the predawn light and groaned, ten past six. He'd never get back home before his father and brother woke up. He just hoped they thought he'd gone into school early. He slid off the end of the table and looked around the viewpoint and sighed.

He couldn't take the main road back, in case someone who knew his brothers or his father saw him, then he'd really be in trouble, sneaking out after he'd been grounded. He decided to take the woodland route. It was about twenty minutes longer. But if he wasn't seen it would be ok.

He started walking home.

Xx

He got back to the house at twenty past eight. He climbed up and in his window. Everyone was already away. _Probably didn't even notice I was gone_. He sighed to himself, pulled his curtains closed and climbed into bed.

He'd go to school this afternoon.

Awww, poor Johnny, he still thinks they don't care. Next, the emotional confrontation you've all been looking forward to. 


	9. Chapter 9

_Disclaimer: not mine, definitely not mine. It should be though._

_Ok, last chapter folks. I hope it meets all expectations. It's pretty long. I hope you all like. Thanks for your reviews, I live for them, and to bring joy to the world._

Chapter 9 

"He really must have run away." Virgil said despondently from the back seat of the car. They had just spent nearly two hours searching the viewpoint and the surrounding area, with no sign of John anywhere.

"he could be anywhere if he took one of those bus's last night." Scott agreed. "Anything could have happened."

"He could be beaten up." Gordon suggested.

"Or dead." Alan added.

"Boys stop it!" Jeff snapped. "We don't know. I'm going to call the police when we get home. John will be fine."

"Dad, he's twelve years old! it's like… like…" Virgil trailed off, too exhausted to think of the word. He slumped back. "I hate that we made him run away, I really hate it."

"I know Virgil, but we'll find him." Jeff said, pulling into their street. Though his own worry gnawed at his gut. If john had been on the mountain there were just so many things that could have happened.

"Hey dad, was John's curtains closed when we left?" Scott asked. "I don't think they were closed. I'm pretty sure they were open when I went into his room earlier."

"Which means-" Jeff quickly stopped the car, half in and half out of the drive.

They practically fell out of the car and dashed to the house and inside.

"JOHN!" Gordon and Alan yelled, running upstairs to his room as fast as they could.

Xx

John woke with a start and pulled himself into a sitting position. What were Gordon and Alan doing home, was it after school already? He was about to get up and open the door to find out when Gordon and Alan came barging in and threw themselves on him.

"John, you're here!"

"You didn't run away?"

"Were you hiding?"

"Were you here the whole time?"

"Scott, Virgil and daddy were worried."

"I wasn't, I knew we'd find you."

"You were so worried!"

"I wasn't!"

"Was!"

"Wasn't!"

their words and sentences tumbled over each other as they spoke.

"Johnny?" Vigil said in relief, coming in and pulling john up from the bed and into a hug. "Never, ever do that to me again!"

Scott came next, hugging him tightly. "You have no idea how worried we were. Where were you? Don't you ever do that again Johnny, promise me."

John was stunned, he really didn't know what to say.

Suddenly he was enveloped in a hug by his father. "Thank God you're ok." He pulled away and looked at John intently. "I think we all need to have a little talk, now, then we can sleep."

"I… em… what?" John asked, nervous.

Gordon, Alan and Scott had taken the bed. Virgil was perched on his desk. So Jeff led John to the window seat.

"Alright, firstly John, why did you run away?" he asked.

"I… I didn't run away." John stammered, shocked. "I just needed to think… I didn't think you'd notice…" he mumbled.

"What?" Scott asked, not having heard.

Maybe it was the tiredness, but John's usual self-control vanished and he said, louder and more sharply than he had intended. "I didn't think you'd notice-you never notice!"

"You didn't think we'd notice you were missing? John-" Jeff began.

"But you never notice! You never notice anything!" john insisted. "It was my Science fair last night! Nobody came! And nobody even asked how it went. You just don't care!"

"How'd it go?" Gordon asked after a moment of tense silent.

John sagged back, deflated. "I came first.," he murmured.

"Johnny, believe me when I say we are all _really_ sorry about the science fair-it wasn't fair that we didn't go, especially when you always go to our competitions." Scott said quietly.

"Scott, you and your brothers head to bed. I need to talk to John privately." Jeff said.

Scott nodded. "Come on squirts, bed-now."

Virgil hesitated for a moment. "Sleep tight John." He said before he left. "I'm sorry I didn't go. I should have."

When they were gone Jeff turned to John, to find his son watching him worriedly.

"I'm sorry dad. I shouldn't have left like that. I didn't mean to worry you. But I really thought I'd be back before you'd noticed I was gone. I needed to think. I know I could have just done it here, but the viewpoints just so-"

"So you were up there. Too bad we only thought of it too late." Jeff sighed, cutting his son's rambled short. If he let him Jeff was certain he would hear every reason John had for going up, and why he shouldn't have etc. etc. but it wasn't what he wanted to hear. "John, do you really think that we-I don't care about you?" he asked.

"I know you do dad. I know Scott, Virgil, Gordon and Alan all do too. I _know_." He trailed off and looked out the window with a sigh. Yes, he knew, but it would be nice to have it shown by them coming to his competitions. "It was a stupid thing to get upset over." He murmured, glancing over at his broken model.

Jeff followed his gaze. "It wasn't stupid to get upset over it. Like Scott said, you go to everything they do. The least they could do is go to yours. And as for me, you've always been far to accommodating if I was busy with work. I should have been there Johnny." He put and arm around John's shoulders. "What was stupid, was disappearing and worrying fifty years off my life. Next time I want you to come talk to me, or Scott or Virgil ok, don't just disappear like that again if your upset." He gave him a half hug. "Promise?"

John nodded slowly.

"Good." He kissed his forehead lightly. "Now go to bed and get some sleep." He ordered.

John nodded again, went over and climbed into bed. "'Night Dad."

"'Night." Jeff smiled, going over to the door. He paused before he closed it. "I love you John." He murmured softly.

John smiled as he buried his head into his pillow and went to sleep.

The End 

_There you go. Did you like it? I did. Review people. I need reviews! Make me feel loved! Hope you liked._


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